Maybe Chameleons should stay just as they are

Humans don't need camouflage, B is non-binary, has bi-polar disorder, ADHD, and Autism and doesn't want to change to fit in with their background.

Today I am sharing a response that I received to my Neurodiversity Questionnaire. I wrote these questions wanting to leave them broad enough for people to tell their stories. I am hoping to get more insight into the narrow definitions of “normal” that our society advances. Whether that is binary gender, a small range of emotional expression, or the way our brains learn and process information humans clearly feel, think, identify and express themselves in every imaginable way…and in ways we can’t imagine.

Here is one person’s response to my Neurodiversity Questionnaire.

Photo by Hasmik Ghazaryan Olson on Unsplash

From B:

I was raised in the Mormon Church. I was pushed out of the house my junior year of Highschool. A VERY common story for Mormon kids period but and even more common story for queer kids. I am nonbinary. (B moved to an apartment that they described as one block from skid row) It was a no pets building, nonetheless I started a traveling reptile zoo out of my tiny studio apartment.  I took in people's unwanted pets and took them to schools and parties to teach kids not to be afraid of reptiles. 

• Do you have an “official diagnosis”? Do you feel empowered/stigmatized or something else about this diagnosis?

  I have an official diagnosis of Bipolar, ADHD and dyslexia as well as a provisional diagnosis of autism. I am not seeking accommodations for autism so I didn't want to spend all the money for the official diagnosis. I feel empowered by all of my diagnosis but as a person who has worked autistic kids for decades that one felt the most validating.

• What is the most annoying thing people say to you about your neurodiversity?

  I mask extremely well, so mostly it is just not being believed.

• Most frustrating thing about our education system as it relates to you.

  I wasn't allowed to participate. As an adult I am punished for not participating in the education system I wasn't allowed to take part in.

• I would give up ______ to change my brain. ((something you love) brownies, searching Zillow, my pets, nothing) 

  Nothing, there is nothing wrong with me. My disability is cultural in nature. If people didn't see me as broken I wouldn't be.

• If my neurodiversity was a fruit/car/country/weather pattern/superpower/whatever you choose it would be _____

  Superpower, I have an uncommonly high degree of empathy.

• How broadly do you share the facts/stories/impacts of your neurodiversity?

  I am impossible to embarrass but because of my wife's work I need to stay anonymous. Were it just me I would put on a sandwich board and ring a bell to talk about neurodiversity. My wife is closeted as autistic and disabled.

• Do you have a nickname for your brain/brain “differences”?

  I worked with animals for decades. A big part of helping an animal to thrive is seeing to all of its psychological needs as well as its physical ones. I often think of my brain (consciousness) and body as different beings. I think of my brain as her, she likes the name Ji.

• Are there people in your family with neurodiversity?

  None openly

• How old were you when you realized your brain function was “different.”

  I always knew

• What question do you wish I would have asked? Your answer…

  I think you nailed it.

One of B’s answers was exactly what I was fishing for with my questions (I have no grant from the NIH I have never claimed lack of bias.)

My disability is cultural in nature. If people didn't see me as broken I wouldn't be.

We had a follow up email exchange in which B included a little more detail about the time that they realized they weren’t broken.

I am very literal in my thinking. I believed there was a right way to be and everything I had learned had conditioned me to believe I was still working at being correct. At 48 I met me. I am married to an autistic woman who is without question the smartest person I have ever met. She is not incorrect, to my mind she is perfect. Which means I was never broken in the first place.

Lovely, right?

Let’s spend the weekend letting go of some way we feel “broken.” We can get back to cramming ourselves into societal norms on Monday.