It's spring so let's talk about skiing

Leafs, trees, and blizzards

I spent the week up in Breckenridge not skiing. There was skiing to be had. Some of the best skiing EVER if you listen to the dudes in the hot tub, elevator, shuttle bus, bar, and whatever location you could possibly name. Usually I try not to listen to those dudes but one of them was right in my ear (which was OK because I married him) talking about 14 inches of powder and 160,000 vertical feet and hiking to the Lake Chutes. Powder sound like stuff that has been found to be carcinogenic, vertical feet sounds like what happens when I lie on the couch and listen to the NFL draft, and hiking to the Lake Chutes? It like the children’s game without even a ladder. Yuck.

Those are Steve’s tracks. Just Steve’s because the powder? UNTOUCHED!(I guess no one is willing to clean the bathroom floors.)

In case you have managed to tune it out as you go about your regularly scheduled day I need to remind you that the conditions were NOTHING like spring skiing. There was NO slush to be had. It was POWDER for days.

For my ski vacation I completed a jigsaw puzzle, sat in front of my computer “writing”, went to the gym five times (worked out one of them), had a lovely dinner with a friend, and went in the hot tub in the snow, and also in the sun. Had some nice chats there about POWDER. Plus I watched 20 hours of NFL draft coverage.

Why don’t I ski?

It is cold, expensive, fast, requires coordination and is up really high. At least in Colorado.

Why does anyone ski? It is cold and fast? And some people need adrenaline to feel alive?

My son broke his femur when he was five. Did I have him walk around on it for three days because every other day of his life was filled with limping, swooning, and gushing blood cuts that were too small for my eyes to discern (and I could see quite clearly then) Why yes I did. I did have him hobble around on a broken femur. But I performed a lot of sympathy for the invisible scratch on his left index finger.

Can you believe the medical staff almost didn’t give this kid crutches? They said he was too young to know what to do with them. He had already seen all of the Star Wars movies thrice. You can almost hear him making the sound of the storm trooper shooting and missing right?

Was that the last ski injury? Ha.

A few years later my daughter broke her wrist. Here was the rhyme she wrote on her cast. “Roses are red, violets are blue, I broke my wrist….times two. Yup. She broke both wrists skiing. And the alarmist pediatric orthopedist told her that 1. She was lucky that she hadn’t been impaled by a branch and 2. She would have arthritis by the time she was 20. She does everything early so she had arthritis by 16. However she did quit skiing so despite an expensive orthopedic bill it was paid for 10 times over on saving from ski rentals and annual passes.

Saturday I was “watching” day three of the NFL draft, possibly the most pointless thing on TV in all of history since last year’s day three draft when my phone buzzed and it was Steve. This is how I answered the phone. “Are you hurt?” “No, but it’s probably cancer” He didn’t say because although I enjoy teasing in almost every area my stereotypically Jewish hypochondria is not an area for humor.

Steve wasn’t hurt. He was calling to check in while huffing and puffing to hike to the Lake Chutes. He could probably tell you the vertical feet but I forgot. I could definitely tell you about the Patriots draft though. BILL LET ME REMIND YOU THAT ALL THREE PHASES OF THE GAME INCLUDES OFFENSE.

Skiing is done for the season. So I will have to worry about injury during other recreational activities. Did I tell you about that time I got a papercut opening the seal on the jigsaw puzzle box opening it with my thumb nail? No? Well it was VERY painful.

OK people. Have you been injured skiing? Do you think the sport is “worth it”? What is the biggest jigsaw you have ever done? And do you think BB remembers that sometimes people CATCH the ball on the football field?