Take this quiz to see how much of a POSER you are

A pretty big POSER if you are reading this

How much of a POSER-

privileged, older, socially-conscientious, enlightened, reactivist

are you?

I have been gone for a while thinking about all the things I know and all of the great things I do with my knowledge. I assume you also know a lot and also do great things. Probably all the best things.

I believe I coined the term reactivist and I am Very Proud of it and I will not be googling to determine whether it existed before now. Nor will I be using the less capitalist, more secure search engine Duck Duck Go to get information on my newly-created word. So thank you in advance for not educating me. I am, obviously, already enlightened enough.

Content warning: references to sexual situations, politics, religion, and mimeograph machines

Instructions:

Give yourself one point for each of the following statements that have ever been true for you, some of these will have bonus points + 1 if you got excited about the idea of bonus points

1. Debated the best bagel place, +1 if you declared yourself the instant winner when that Protestant guy in the polo suggested Einstein’s

2. Had a punch card to  a Pilates/barre/spin studio, +1 if you have ever completed a punch card

3. Own more than 3 pouches (you know zip topped things to hold chapstick, pencils, meds, tampons, change), +1 if you still have all of those things in your bag ** you can discontinue this quiz and jump to a perfect score if you bought a handmade rainbow- lined pouch featuring RBG at a farmer’s market which contains all of the above. A-hem.

   

   THE PICTURE OF THE PERFECT POSER POUCH #lettingyouknowwhatyouaremissing

4. Had a standing date to walk with a friend

5. Have ever used overly specific hashtags and thought you sounded cute #thatwassotenyearsagobutimissit, +1 if you have done this verbally

6. Shopped at a farmer’s market, + 1 if you have a favorite farmers market

7. Have a family member in therapy, + 1 for each family member

8. Have volunteered for a charity, + 1 if you know you shouldn’t use the word charity

9. Gone to an open house because you “live in the neighborhood”

10. Have recurring donations to the DCCC/ACLU/HRC/any LGBTQ+ organizations, +1 if these are at the state or local level because this way your money GOES FURTHER and has a BIGGER IMPACT

11. Can name five people who have been cancelled, +1 if you remember specifics of the circumstances

12. Were the person in elementary school who helped with the AV cart, + 1 if you dated the person who helped with the AV cart

13. Bought gift cards from a local coffee place instead of Starbucks for your kid’s teachers, +1 if you bought Starbucks because what the teachers want and will use is more important than your pro-union, anti-chain political stance (How could I have known that the local spot would close down within a month)

14. Ever used a dot matrix printer, + 1 if you have used a mimeograph machine (side question is it as fun as it seems? #purplefingersmakeyouseemlikeacriminalmastermind)

15. Gone to a “retreat” writing, meditation, other +10 if you have hosted a retreat

16. Hidden from someone cleaning your your house.

17. Owned more than ten types of tea. +1 if two or more are loose tea

18. Have saved searches on eBay containing the word “vintage” +1 for each search

19. Had a standing appointment with a babysitter so you could have “date night” +1 if you let the babysitter go home afterwards without telling them everything you ate at the newest local restaurant + 10 if you don’t want to hear the story about the time the babysitter stole out vibrator.

20. Have a fully electric vehicle

21. Have planted a pollinator garden +1 if your garden survived

22. Frustrated your family with reuasable ziplocks +1 if you don’t have actual Ziplocks crammed into the drawer on top of them

23. Practiced yoga/mediation/mindfulness. +1 all three +another 1 this week

24. Learned that the term “content warning” has replaced “trigger warning” +1 if you include content warnings

25. Cared about what the cow that you are eating has eaten.

26. Subscribed to the New Yorker, New York Times or the Atlantic + 1 if any of these subscriptions have been the print edition

27. Have gotten a pet anti anxiety meds, a fresh food diet, or teeth cleaning + 1 if you mentally defended the need for any of these while reading this line

28. Watch John Oliver. +1 for forwarding clips of John Oliver on racist police, the farce of carbon offsets, anything about a corrupt foreign leader

29. Are in a book club -1 if anyone in the book club has ever joked that it should really be called a wine club

30. Considered spending $1000 to go to the eras tour. + 1 went to the Eras tour

31. Can’t name all of the streaming services you pay for

32. Know the difference between sexuality, gender identity, and gender expression. +1 to me for not including a link here

33. Had a personal trainer. + 1 if you can name their dog/cat (that was a trick- personal trainers don’t have cats)

34. Know what a disruptor company is. + 1 if you ordered your reading glasses/razors/toothbrushes from one.

35. Have accepted that each night’s sleep is really two sleeps

36. Sighed in defeat as you pontificate on the politics of TikTok, talk about how terrified you are that teens use SnapChat as a dating app, moan the morphing of Twitter to X, and then go back to scrolling Instagram +1 if you left Xwitter in protest

37. Have tried to find an “unbiased” news source. + 1 if you have lamented (ironically but not ironically) that it is not liberal enough

38. Understand that the default pronouns for a stranger are they/them, +1 if you use they/them when referring to them.

39. You have spent more than 20 nights a year away from your bed because of travel for pleasure + 1 if you had to question if this total should or shouldn’t include a second home (yes, yes it should)

40. Have expressed amazement that your devices are “listening” to you. + 1 if you have talked about something you want to buy to your google home to see how quickly it is promoted in your gmail.(which is really a + for those of you who haven’t because you get a fun new game.)

41. Have purchased luggage/hair care/makeup/ scarves on Instagram +1 if you bought posture correcting devices

42. Know what the Libby app is +1 if you use the Libby app.

43. Admit that you are the “they” in “that’s what they say.”

44. Clucked at the truth of this joke: Q: how many board meetings does it take to change a light bulb? A: Our subcommittee has an RFP out for the aforementioned task and will report back on proposals at our next meeting. The date and time of which will be determined in agenda item #117

45. Have stopped blaming memory lapses on mom-brain and now blame it on menopause (or some non gender-binaried version of the above because I am not a TERF)

46. Have heard not just homo and hetero, but bi,pan,poly,a,andro,gyne modify the word sexual. + 1 if you have a “go to” source to define each term. *bi sexual probably doesn’t mean exactly what you think it does. We will wait here while you duck, duck, go it. (Clunkier term than google but so much better for the world so I will take the extra time to use it and then even more to explain it.)

47. Used ball jars for something other than canning. +1 if you have used them FOR canning.

48. Understand the words gaslighting, micro-agression, dog whistle and used them all correctly in sentences

49. Have a favorite comma joke

    

50. You know that asking high school seniors “where are you going to college next year” is presumptuous + 1 if you have kept yourself from asking

51. Your email signature has a quote in it +1 If it is from Neruda, champions equal rights, or reminds readers that everyone is going through a battle we can’t know about. #truthbecauseweallneedtoberemindedofourhumanitysometimes

52. Got a pen and paper to tally your score + 1 if it was a moleskin, notepad, or reusable tablet that was already handy on your counter

SCORING

0-25 You are only in candid photos

25-50 You should probably sign up for more NPO email lists to better understand the challenges of the world that you share with all of humanity. (Should I explain what an NPO is?)

50-80 You should also sign up for more NPO email lists. You should also read the emails that those NPOs send you even when you are on vacation and click the links and be called to action. (I know I don’t need to explain what an NPO is.)

80 to 100 Let’s have tea and I will tell you about the retreat I am leaving for on Thursday.

100+ You might as well be me (and also your teachers loved you very much (as long as you learned to interrupt them a little less)and use fewer parenthesis) but you were probably their favorite anyways.)))

How did you do? Will we be having Jasmine Pearl together? Wait, I only got a 94 and I wrote the damn quiz about myself. I am such a POSER. Or maybe I am not as much of a POSER as I think I am.