How to Make your own Pill Pockets /sh*tpost

(Little meat playdough things so your dog might take their pill)

Step one:

Buy Feline-Sized-Chicken-Flavored Pill Pockets at the Store. Feline sized? yes. Our dog is smaller than our three cats out together. Or any two of them. Or any one of them alone. Chicken flavored? Yes. It is rated 1,000 out of 10. Definitely would eat. The other flavors? Also 1,000 out of 10 but chicken is the first one in the aisle at Target so get that one.

Step two:

Bring them home and store it in the cabinet with the Pet food bowls, Pet food cannisters, pet food scoop, dental treats, and that one bowl that somehow has never left the cabinet.

Step three:

Go upstairs to bed and leave the cabinet door open. Bonus if the sliding shelf is pulled all the way out to reveal the back section where the pill pockets (and extra bowl) are kept. Don’t worry if you forget this step because you can substitute a slender (so underfed he is about to expire (according to the cat)) and dexterous cat who can sure as shit make his way to the back of the cabinet. Let rest for 8 interrupted hours

Step four:

Retrieve pill pocket pouches from the floor. Gently decant the 90 pill pockets from the two pouches. Don’t worry if they come out a bit lumpy. Or in 3 disgusting clumps. You’ll have that in this recipe.

Step five:

Prepare your work surface. Picking up the Nacho plate that has been “rinsed” by the dog was my method but feel free to express yourself on this step.

Step six:

Form the meat playdough into small balls roughly the size of the Feline-sized-pill-pocket. Gently roll them and smooth them with your fingertips. It is important that they are all uniform because they are for a dog who cares zero percent about their shape. It is important to work quickly whilst your dough is malleable. If you allow your medium to dry it will crumble and become impossible to shape.

Step seven:

Find a pocket maker. Like a pen you intend to throw away. Perhaps one from your second grade classroom 40 years ago. That’ll do. Gently insert your pocket maker into the center of your meaty dough ball careful not to get close to the edges. You might wonder how there are edges to a perfect sphere…the answer is math. You should have paid less attention.

Step eight:

Use your fingertip to pick up all remaining meat crumbs gathering them together into one last perfect sphere. Now it is time for some introspection. How are you feeling this morning? What is your focus for the day? What would you like to communicate to the beloved pet who arranged for you to have such a rich experience before 7:00 am?

I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.

Store in an airtight package away from cats.

This post was brought to you by the letter A, for Alf. Who gets into a lot of trouble.

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What do your pets do? That makes you frustrated? Pick one.