How do you say woke?

Without offending people in comas?

My father, who I am a little worried I would only love and not like if he were alive today, was “anti-PC.” Political Correctness was the 1990s version of woke-ness but like most of history its edges have softened and blurred. There was no vitriol behind my father’s anti-PC stance. He was the kid on the playground pulling pigtails instead of pulling out a gun.

In case you forget I am super super liberal…my father was (probably) libertarian without the label, back when it wasn’t a cloak for hard conservatism. I used to root for his laziness and disillusionment to win out over his desire to participate in democracy, and at least comfort myself with the idea that my mother’s vote would balance his out.

I have always believed in the power of language. I was one of the student’s in my upper middle class white populated African American studies class that didn’t need to be convinced about the power of choosing ones own name as a start to claiming ones story.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

I am proud to be woke if woke means trying to see other people’s perspectives and acting with empathy. Yet I am still struggling some with the language around this practice.

Some of it I have implemented easily. In graduate school I learned about “people first language.” It is a simple as putting the individual before any descriptors. In this case I was studying people with intensive needs so it was saying: “A boy with Autism, instead of an Autistic boy.” Done. Although I need to point out that in this case I knew I was talking about a boy. Today I would work around gendered language. “A student with Autism.” I am still working on that. I still default to someone’s gender expression for the most part even though I understand the difference between identity and expression.

It’s funny with the pets though. I’m pretty sure they exist outside of the societal expectations of gender yet I looks at the genitalia and ascribe to them stereotypical characteristics. “You are so so sweet.” I tell Molly. “Look at how strong you are.” I say to Alf. It’s absurd.

Now I said “It’s absurd” because I learned last night that it is no longer Kosher to say crazy. It is also probably no longer Kosher to say Kosher but as I jew I am going to hold onto that one. I haven’t dug into the etymology of the word crazy as an adjective but I’m guessing that since it has been stricken it must have begun with a mental health slur. Here is a sampling of words/phrases I have been able to drop easily (or pretty easily)

• spaz- never used it plus clearly clearly derogatory

• trigger warning- guns: a problem

• What a gyp- Gypsys don’t need to lend their name to something the Jews have already shouldered the burden for.

• spirit animal- cultural appropriation, we have probably taken enough from the indigenous people.

That last one brings me to a question. When is it cultural appropriation and when is it celebration? White dreads- no go. Asian Fusion restaurants- award winning. Ninja halloween costumes- uh uh. Kato Danzo- kick ass. I can sort of feel my way to the answers on the poles but not the middle.

Here are things I am struggling with

• They/them. Holy shit am I trying. I want to use they/them pronouns without slipping up for people who use they/them pronouns for themselves. I ALSO want to use them (the pronouns) for every individual whose gender identity I don’t explicitly know…despite their gender expression.

• Gun related phrases other than “tigger warning”- Shoot from the hip- eh I’m getting there. The word aim in all its forms? I’m not even sure I am trying. I mean we aimed with things other than guns. We took aim at foodstuffs with some sort of spear like thing like a super long time before guns existed. Also use of the word “aim” as a synonym for “goal” feels totally unrelated to weaponry to me. Target is also something I can’t remove from my vocabulary and in this case I don’t want to. It is a weekly trip for me. How else can I ruin the world with fast fashion and plastic wrapped produce.

• Ableist language- I see the point about this one. But I can’t say that I see it because there are people with visual impairments who can’t see at all. And can I say that “I can’t say” because there are people who aren’t able to create vocalizations? I don’t want to hurt people with my words and still it feels as though broad meaning for say and see has permeated our language. I mean it’s in that super American song. “Oh say can you see, by the dawnzer lee light.”

I think it was my mother who had a sensitivity reader that flagged “stand up for democracy” in her manuscript. I want to be able to stand up for things. I feel lucky that I can literally stand up. It doesn’t require skeletal coordination to figuratively stand up. And because Merriam fucking Webster changed the definition of literally to include figuratively (its previous opposite) then we can all literally stand up.

My dad wouldn’t like this post. It is too PC. I am happy to stand up for myself though. There is power in language and I will do my best to wield it responsibly.

OK Let me hear it. Which phrases can you easily strike from our vocabulary and which are holding tight. (Can I say strike? It might reference violence, or unions)