12 best pick up lines for a schlubby know-it-all

From nerd to flirt in 12 pick-up lines that are pretty unlikely to pick anyone up.

What do you do when you show up to a fancy party alone in sneakers and a fleece covered in cat hair? Find the nearest object of your attraction and try out one of these can’t lose pick up lines. 

1. Hold up your foot and ask “Do you want to touch my aglet now, or save it for tonight?” If you are met with confusion circle your foot to get your sneaker laces dancing and explain that the aglet is the hard part of the lace that stands up when you excite it like this.

2. Lean in close and stare deeply into the space between a hotties eyes and declare : Your glabella is so smooth, can I stroke it?”

   

   One great glabella

3. Pick three cat hairs off of your black fleece top while asking: “This white hair, this orange hair, and this grey hair all came from the same cat. Is it a boy or a girl?” When your conquest looks to you for more information tell them “There are two colors/ x chromosome, so any cat with three colors is ALL GIRL…” Best to purr invitingly.

4. “Do you have synesthesia? It is when people can hear, taste, and feel color. I have it and I can conclusively say you are RED HOT.”

5. Stick your finger out from the top of your forehead and nuzzle/repeatedly bump your target with it. “Did you know the national animal of Scotland is a unicorn?” Best results come when you speak with an unidentifiable accent

   

   .

6. Offer a refill of wine while saying “My finger fits perfectly in the punt…does yours?”

7. Mutter “I’m not drunk I’m brilliant.” Repeatedly. When you catch the right someone’s eye explain: “Repeating sentences under your breath is a sign of genius…Albert did it right out until his patent days.”

8. Find a silver fox and say “Ramjit Raghav became a father at 94… I bet we could break his record.”

9. Approach anyone interesting who is using an iPhone and tell them “Cleopatra lived closer to the invention of the iPhone than she did to the building of the Great Pyramid. She and I are like sisters. And I am the younger one.”

10. Offer up this nugget to another hungry guest “Vending machines are twice as likely to kill you than a shark is…want to live dangerously and split at Twix?”

11. “Humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas….I know what I would do with a big banana.”

12. “An octopus has three hearts. You are making me feel like an octopus.”

You will be walking out the door with three fewer cat hairs and one additional silver fox sharing a bottle of wine and Twix bar while speaking in brogue.